She said I don’t have the capacity to change and learn to be different. She said my gf was settling for me and shouldn’t need to. 

This is a delicate subject. Will I change and learn to be different.. Why would I WANT to change who I am? There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I function in society just perfectly fine and I don’t see the need to learn to be something that I’m not.

This is today’s society. People see that you’re not one of them and they want you to change. They want you to either become one of them, or they label you a loser.

Which brings me to the next point:

She said due to my passive, introverted nature, I will be spending the rest of my life in a cubicle waiting for people to tell me what to do. 

This cannot be more wrong. I don’t work in a cubicle. In fact, I’ve never worked in a cubicle in my life. I’ve worked on a shop floor as Gift shop manager and retail manager.. and I’ve worked in an office as Document Manager and I’ve worked in an office with windows as IT manager.

As the IT manager I don’t wait for people to tell me what to do. I suggested and successfully implemented many systems in the company. Including the inventory control system and the network for the CNC machines on the shop floor.

The reason why I slowly stopped being as proactive at work is because I just do not see much incentives doing so anymore. What do I get, really? What do I get for cutting down 2 hours of work that sales department has to do because of my genius coding? I wasn’t rewarded. And I added one more items to my maintenance list. My work might be appreciated but I’m not incentivize.

“I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.”  - Audrey Niffenegger

She said I lacked the ability to hold a conversation because I was too introverted. She used the word disabled to describe me. 

And if I remember correctly, she said.. this is a symptomatic of long standing self absorption and self centeredness. She thinks my parents see the same thing and they are pissed at me for it.

Appalling. First of all I’d like to say that, my parents love me for who I am and what I am. There is no question about that. My parents can see who I really am, and know that while I don’t often express my emotions to them in words, I have many many other ways to show them my love and care.

I have no problem holding a conversation if I want to. Maybe I just didn’t really want to talk to you yet. There was a few times I was talking to you and you would cut me off, or talked to someone else in the middle of the conversation like I didn’t exist. I didn’t feel I should continue when I’m cut off like that.. and if you cared, you would have tried and bring it back up. You did not.

Maybe I just didn’t feel like begging you to talk to me. Self-absorption and Self-centeredness.. I am not the one who made a self-proclaimed infallible assessment of another person in 5 minutes.

She said my inadequacies was blatant when I was outside of my usual social and cultural circle. In fact, I think she used the word milieu. 

She said I couldn’t interact or relate to people outside of it. It being the Chinese section of Vancouver.

I don’t really agree. First of all I was not too sure about the “inadequacies” she spoke of. Also, she hasn’t really seen me operate anyway. I think this has to do with the fact that I am an introvert and I don’t really interact to people anyway. I would do it if I see the need, but usually I take the passive stance when it comes to interaction.

I have worked in several places without any “Chinese people.” In fact, I was the only Asian in the 3 of the last 4 work places I’ve worked at (including the current one), so what is this “Chinese section” of Vancouver she speaks of?

Also, when I was in college, I was the only Asian guy in my class. That didn’t stop me from excelling in my coursework which includes tons of group works and presentations.

I understand the use of labels and stereotypes.. it makes things simple. Why try to know people or assess people when you can easily assign them a label? And then each label has associate properties to them. For example, a guy who doesn’t quite talk. Let’s label him an introvert, and assume he’s shy, anti-social, has nothing to say, and hey, why not call him a loser.

Well, screw them. I hate labels.

Introverts are not anti-social.

Introverts are not anti-social. We do not dislike people. We dislike places that are crowded because it drains our energy. The same way it tends to excite the extroverts. I love people just as much as the next guy, but I don’t like being surrounded by them. I also prefer conversations within a small group of people (by that I mean, like a group of four including me), but really, one on one conversations are best, to me.

I love intellectual and stimulating conversations, and not so much trivia. I don’t know if that’s a property of an introvert, or if that’s just me, though. I tend not to speak unless I have something important to say. And usually that only happens when I am with my close friends.

Sometimes I try to fight off these assertions.. but sometimes I just ignore them. It is not important, and it’s a never ending battle.

Did I mention I hate labels?

I think I did, but I’m saying it again for good measure. I hate labels. Labeling people is a very shallow assessment and full of common misconceptions. People, including introverts, are more complex than some labels.

I have read books about introversion. In the book, “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Laney, Psy. D (and I recommend this book for anyone who wants to know more about introverts), it suggests that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine. What does Dopamine do? Well.. to put it simply, Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps controlling a person’s (brain’s) pleasure and reward centers, as well as regulating the person’s movement and emotional responses.

Since introverts are over-sensitive to Dopamine.. too much external stimulation exhausts them. Overdoses them. On the other hand, Extroverts love Dopamine. And adrenaline helps to create it.

Introverts do not dislike people.

I’ve mentioned this earlier but I’ve only touched on it a little. Introverts do not dislike people.. In fact, Introverts value the few friends they have. Intensely. Most Introverts can count the number of close friends with one hand and without much hesitation. When an Introvert considers you a friend.. you are in for a life time friendship most of the time.

Side note. Anne, do you know how much I miss you at the time of this writing..? Do you know.. how difficult it is for me to “move on” because you are also my best friend..? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. 

Ahem. Some people have the misconception that Introverts always want to be alone. That is simply not true. While it is true that Introverts are comfortable with their own thoughts, own daydream, own plan.. nothing is better if they could just share it with another person. It can get unbearably lonely when Introverts have no one to share their experience with.

I might write a Part 3 at some point.. but I’m not sure.