I hanged out with a girl two days ago. It was pleasant.. I enjoy the company of another individual. But not so much with a group of people. We had some food, ordered something to drink, and chatted.

What did we talk about? Work. School. Pet. Favourite things. Cars. Anime and Comic. Common friend.

Should I list all of them out? I’m not sure. The conversation was not always that interesting, but to me I like to know more about others. She’s in accounting. They are a little short on people so she’s currently taking care of AP, AR, and payroll. Something I cannot imagine.. but could relate to. She also never stopped studying. Now that’s something I could understand.. but couldn’t relate to. I don’t like school. I couldn’t wait to be out of school. I do however believe in continuous improvement..

She has a pet dog which she keeps inside the house. While I know a lot of people do that.. to me, dogs stay outside of the house. I don’t care if I have to build him a mansion of a doghouse, but I don’t like dogs inside with me in the same house. Then again I never love pets too much. Well.. I did, and then they died. That’s the thing with pets. It’s one big tragedy.. all that care, all that love, and all that time you spend with him together.. and one day he dies.

But at least it’s predictable. Pets never make promises. They don’t tell you they will be with you forever, because they won’t be.

She’s a Taurus. She said Gemini is very weird, which I didn’t take offend to, since I’ve been called a lot of other things recently.. so many things, that weird almost sounded like a compliment.

Speaking of Gemini.. and astrology.. I never quite believe it. I don’t think you can easily group people into 12 groups, or 24 groups if you count the “shadow/dormant personality.” As I mentioned before, I don’t quite like the idea of labeling people. According to some site, Gemini are very active, fun, always changing.. but at the same time they could be withdrawn and quiet. That’s a pretty broad description. Could it fit to describe me? Yes. But I bet it fits many.

Sigh.

How are you is one of the most annoying questions to me.

Most people only ask it for the sake of asking. No real point, not really trying to get to know your day, but rather to make you or other people feel like you’re conversing, and maybe get you to ask her the same question which will turn into a 20 minutes conversation, about her.

As much as I don’t like this question, I think it is only annoying when it comes from people that you see almost everyday. Or people you don’t really know.

But it is acceptable for friends. I had this experience yesterday.

“Sol, haven’t seen you for awhile, how are you?”

“Shitty.”

“Well well, that’s honest. What happened?”

“I hm.. don’t want to talk about it. Thanks for asking. It means a lot.”

“Aw.. I’ll remember you in my prayer.”

I enjoy honest and open conversation.

They say to the children, “You can be whoever you want to be.” That might be true, because for a child, life is filled with possibilities. But little do you know.. it is also true for everyone. You can be whoever you pretend to be.

Did you know if you lift your cheeks, you will feel happy after awhile? Yes, I’m talking about fake smile. There’s so many times I want to rip my face off after smiling.. when I didn’t really want to smile. However, society has forced people to give a positive outlook.

If you are at work, and you’re feeling down and you give people the feeling that you’re down.. well, let’s just say you won’t be very well in that company. They want happy people at work. Not some downers. Even if it means you have to mask your emotions and pretend to be happy.

Smiling could trigger happiness.. but is it true happiness, or is it just another mask you put on in order to get by?

I’m very used to smiling at work. People look at me and I’ll smile back. And I don’t mean just lifting my mouth and cheeks, I go all the way and have smiles in my eyes as well! Is that acceptable now? Is that good enough for you? Is that pretentious enough? May I get on with my work?

I would keep the smile as long as I can feel the person is still looking. But loses it as soon as I’m by myself again. I don’t want artificial happiness. I don’t want to be a faker. I want my smiles to be seen by the ones who can truly make me smile.. and I don’t want to take that away from them.

I understand the use of labels and stereotypes.. it makes things simple. Why try to know people or assess people when you can easily assign them a label? And then each label has associate properties to them. For example, a guy who doesn’t quite talk. Let’s label him an introvert, and assume he’s shy, anti-social, has nothing to say, and hey, why not call him a loser.

Well, screw them. I hate labels.

Introverts are not anti-social.

Introverts are not anti-social. We do not dislike people. We dislike places that are crowded because it drains our energy. The same way it tends to excite the extroverts. I love people just as much as the next guy, but I don’t like being surrounded by them. I also prefer conversations within a small group of people (by that I mean, like a group of four including me), but really, one on one conversations are best, to me.

I love intellectual and stimulating conversations, and not so much trivia. I don’t know if that’s a property of an introvert, or if that’s just me, though. I tend not to speak unless I have something important to say. And usually that only happens when I am with my close friends.

Sometimes I try to fight off these assertions.. but sometimes I just ignore them. It is not important, and it’s a never ending battle.

Did I mention I hate labels?

I think I did, but I’m saying it again for good measure. I hate labels. Labeling people is a very shallow assessment and full of common misconceptions. People, including introverts, are more complex than some labels.

I have read books about introversion. In the book, “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Laney, Psy. D (and I recommend this book for anyone who wants to know more about introverts), it suggests that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine. What does Dopamine do? Well.. to put it simply, Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps controlling a person’s (brain’s) pleasure and reward centers, as well as regulating the person’s movement and emotional responses.

Since introverts are over-sensitive to Dopamine.. too much external stimulation exhausts them. Overdoses them. On the other hand, Extroverts love Dopamine. And adrenaline helps to create it.

Introverts do not dislike people.

I’ve mentioned this earlier but I’ve only touched on it a little. Introverts do not dislike people.. In fact, Introverts value the few friends they have. Intensely. Most Introverts can count the number of close friends with one hand and without much hesitation. When an Introvert considers you a friend.. you are in for a life time friendship most of the time.

Side note. Anne, do you know how much I miss you at the time of this writing..? Do you know.. how difficult it is for me to “move on” because you are also my best friend..? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. 

Ahem. Some people have the misconception that Introverts always want to be alone. That is simply not true. While it is true that Introverts are comfortable with their own thoughts, own daydream, own plan.. nothing is better if they could just share it with another person. It can get unbearably lonely when Introverts have no one to share their experience with.

I might write a Part 3 at some point.. but I’m not sure.

“Don’t make someone a priority in your life when you’re only an option in theirs.”

Was I only an option in your life? I was told I wasn’t. But I bet I was.