She said I don’t have the capacity to change and learn to be different. She said my gf was settling for me and shouldn’t need to. 

This is a delicate subject. Will I change and learn to be different.. Why would I WANT to change who I am? There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I function in society just perfectly fine and I don’t see the need to learn to be something that I’m not.

This is today’s society. People see that you’re not one of them and they want you to change. They want you to either become one of them, or they label you a loser.

Which brings me to the next point:

She said due to my passive, introverted nature, I will be spending the rest of my life in a cubicle waiting for people to tell me what to do. 

This cannot be more wrong. I don’t work in a cubicle. In fact, I’ve never worked in a cubicle in my life. I’ve worked on a shop floor as Gift shop manager and retail manager.. and I’ve worked in an office as Document Manager and I’ve worked in an office with windows as IT manager.

As the IT manager I don’t wait for people to tell me what to do. I suggested and successfully implemented many systems in the company. Including the inventory control system and the network for the CNC machines on the shop floor.

The reason why I slowly stopped being as proactive at work is because I just do not see much incentives doing so anymore. What do I get, really? What do I get for cutting down 2 hours of work that sales department has to do because of my genius coding? I wasn’t rewarded. And I added one more items to my maintenance list. My work might be appreciated but I’m not incentivize.

She said I lacked the ability to hold a conversation because I was too introverted. She used the word disabled to describe me. 

And if I remember correctly, she said.. this is a symptomatic of long standing self absorption and self centeredness. She thinks my parents see the same thing and they are pissed at me for it.

Appalling. First of all I’d like to say that, my parents love me for who I am and what I am. There is no question about that. My parents can see who I really am, and know that while I don’t often express my emotions to them in words, I have many many other ways to show them my love and care.

I have no problem holding a conversation if I want to. Maybe I just didn’t really want to talk to you yet. There was a few times I was talking to you and you would cut me off, or talked to someone else in the middle of the conversation like I didn’t exist. I didn’t feel I should continue when I’m cut off like that.. and if you cared, you would have tried and bring it back up. You did not.

Maybe I just didn’t feel like begging you to talk to me. Self-absorption and Self-centeredness.. I am not the one who made a self-proclaimed infallible assessment of another person in 5 minutes.

She said my inadequacies was blatant when I was outside of my usual social and cultural circle. In fact, I think she used the word milieu. 

She said I couldn’t interact or relate to people outside of it. It being the Chinese section of Vancouver.

I don’t really agree. First of all I was not too sure about the “inadequacies” she spoke of. Also, she hasn’t really seen me operate anyway. I think this has to do with the fact that I am an introvert and I don’t really interact to people anyway. I would do it if I see the need, but usually I take the passive stance when it comes to interaction.

I have worked in several places without any “Chinese people.” In fact, I was the only Asian in the 3 of the last 4 work places I’ve worked at (including the current one), so what is this “Chinese section” of Vancouver she speaks of?

Also, when I was in college, I was the only Asian guy in my class. That didn’t stop me from excelling in my coursework which includes tons of group works and presentations.

I could not remember the chronological orders of these criticisms and insults. So I will just post them as I remember them. Here goes:

She said I have emotional issues. She said I’m weak. She said, healthy men do not cry unless someone has died or if they have lost all their money. 

Now. I don’t know why my girlfriend would even tell her mom about me crying, because it wasn’t a good way to make her mom likes me. There were several times when I cried in my girlfriend’s presence:

In May 2010, Jan 2011, a day before she was about to fly back, we both cried because we didn’t want to leave each other. I loved her, and she loved me, and we both wanted to spend more time together.

In Jun 2011, we had a fight. I finally cried because I realized I was wrong.. and how much I hurt her because of my actions and words. I felt regret. Also, there was also an unsettling feeling in me because her words did not sound like hers.

Other than that, I really don’t cry so much. I didn’t cry when there was death in my family. Or my pets. But I am not afraid to cry. To me, crying is not gender, age, race, personality specific. It is not a sign of weakness, but rather an ability. It is also a way for some people to reduce stress, to express joy, and to release anger. I cry because I face dilemmas in life. I am willing to show my emotions to my close ones, and I am brave enough to handle my sorrows instead of burying them deep inside of me.

Anne, you are the love of my life.

If you have read my “About” page, you would know that I created this blog because of a life changing event.

Basically, I was in a long distance relationship with my best friend. After we had been together for 18 months, I visited her family for the first time. Her mother hated me. After meeting her, she kept sending my girlfriend hate mails about me when my girlfriend went back with me to my city for a vacation.

These hate mails over-stressed my girlfriend, and it continued after she went back home. She decided that she could not be with me.. even though she didn’t agree with her mother’s assessment of me.

I have read those hate mails. All of them. My girlfriend thought she only showed me a couple of them.. but in fact I read all of them when I was playing dumb while using her phone, saying things like “How to you navigate this” and “How do I get out of this email.”

Also, I have near photographic memory and damn near remember everything I have read.. The words of her mother resides in me. So here, I will let them go. I will type them out, and give my rebuttal.